I hope Luke doesn't see this movie, it would lead to some severe whining and mopiness

So, let me get my geek on for a moment:

Padme the strong, capable defender of her planet is heartbroken because she has found out that Anakin, the love of her life, has died. No longer with a reason to live, she commits magic, psychic suicide. Medically she is completely healthy, but she has simply lost the will to live. This is not a complication to Anakin crushing her windpipe, she has just checked out.

If only there was a reason to go on living, or two. You know, like TWINS. Oh, and if they aren't enough, how about redeeming the broken love of your life? Because, Padme informs us in her dying words, she knows there is still good in him. But, hey, that's somebody else's problem now. She's a delegator. the time for action has passed.

All I can think is this is a severe case of early-onset Post-Partum Depression.

Surgeon

So, we stopped by the surgeon's office yesterday for a quick visit that amounted to having the guy poke L in the abdomen and saying, "Yep, that's gotta come out".

The best part of the visit was the comic book. L got a comic book that explained that her Gall Bladder was like urban blight. After weeks of disuse, it had become filled with the biological equivalent of meth or crack addicts. While some attempts had previously been made to gentrify Gall Bladders and reinvent them as happy, upscale places filled with only productive souls. Some degenerate always lingers and eventually the neighborhood goes to crap again. The only real solution at this point is to tear the whole place down and turn it into green space. Then, Captain Surgery shows up and with three little incisions (sadly, they have no Zorro resemblance at all) deftly removes the condemned gall bladder / crack house. Afterward the liver, stomach, and intestines have a very successful block party.

I should clarify that while L really did get a comic book and I assume that it had all of the parts I describe, I may have gotten some of the details wrong.

The doctor, in real life, explained that the Gall Bladder was, in fact, more like a BMW. It's cool to have one, but once it starts requiring maintenance you are better off getting rid of it before it completely breaks down or explodes. Again, I wasn't really listening, but I expect it was a lot like that.

So, because L is in pain every day, even though she takes in no fat, we agreed it should be removed. Since we have no desire to get a headstart on next year's deductible, we asked to get this done this year. We were given two dates and decided on the later. Once we got in the car, we immediately started tearing down our very good reasons for that date and called this morning to change it.

So, next Wednesday, L will lose 1/4 pound the hard way.

Arrrgh

So, I had to drive home at about 40 mph today because some idiot refused to pass a funeral escort for about 6 miles.

This was not a cop, it was a town car with yellow flashing lights.

The idiot had to pass about 30 funeral-flagged cars to get to the front where he promptly cut his speed down to match the funeral. It was only after the road widened to 3 lanes and he noticed that everyone was passing the escort on the right that he figured it out.

And yet, if the semi behind this bozo had simply run him down, it would have been that truck driver's fault.

Thanksgiving and Why I Hate the Gall Bladder

So, Thanksgiving went great.

L's lingering pain - particularly when tired and in the car - forced us to stay home rather than travel to Indiana to be with L's family. Fortunately, my family had not made any concrete plans and I was able to volunteer for my traditional job as Thanksgiving cook.

We managed to get our cooking disaster out of the way early this year with only about a quart of brine covering the bottom of my fridge and pantry floor. Adjustments were made and brining continued. So, when the day arrived everything was ready.

The traditional seafood brunch (Medvick Manor Thanksgiving features 2 major meals to allow an attendee to leave for another side of his / her family as needed) was this year featuring and array of tuna, big shrimp, and sea scallops with a side of spinach risotto.

L confirmed that she still does not like seared tuna, but loves scallops and shrimp. J1 enjoyed his ham and bacon as he watched jealously (silly allergies - he loves tuna but it tries to kill him). J2 politely tried one of each and, while acknowledging that none was actually poisonous, saw no need to take a second of anything.

Following brunch, I pulled the turkey from the brine and got it into the oven. Having smashed the potatoes earlier (yay, potato ricer!) and with Mom bringing the salads, all was ready. After just a few hours, the family was rewarded with a juicy, golden brown bird filled with flavor. Dinner came and went with laughter and chat.

After dessert of pie and cheesecake (provided by Mom/Sister/Niece and J1's girlfriend) we settled in and played games and watched "Up".

Long about 12:30, my night took a dramatic turn. L's gall bladder, a heretofore insignificant aspect of my life decided it had been ignored long enough. I had always assumed that L had a gall bladder; I had simply never concerned myself with it. I had never before had to notice its existence, a fact that it was now correcting with alarming force.

I have been blessed to see L give birth naturally twice, and while those moments were special, they featured a remarkable amount of pain. This was so much worse. L went from just quietly cooling down with me and prepping for bed to screaming in agony in no more than 30 seconds. A minute or so later, I was dialing 911 and the squad was on the way. No more than 10 minutes later, she was on her way to the ER. Because gallstones and heart attacks present in almost identical (outward) symptons, the paramedics wasted no time in having Laurie on a stretcher and out the door. I cannot praise the fine work of Richfield's EMS crew enough. Throughout my life, they have always come in and made things better quickly and professionally.

Gathering a few items togehter, I left the house to follow the ambulence. I got in to see Laurie just in time to watch them push morphine and pepcid through her central line and while it lessened the pain she still hurt. They came in and took an EKG and then I sat down and checked out. I had a tiny amount of sleep the night before as I prepped dinner and the house, so by 2 am the next night, I was done. I fell asleep on one those wheeled doctor's stools with head on a counter. Laurie's pain finally eased around 4 and we got home around 5.

I have now done enough research to develop an appreciation for the gall bladder, but also an absolute hatred for it. I am starting a campaign to evolve something better. It turns out that gallstones are basically going to happen, they are a pretty natural side effect of the whole bile concentration thing that is the reason we have a gall bladder. Not that everyone is going to end up screaming in pain, but the possibility is pretty clearly there.

Also, I am again amazed again that the best solution developed so far is the heavy handed "take it out" solution. Granted, it's effective, but the concentrated bile form the gall bladder is much more efficient than the bile directly from the liver. It seems to me that there should be a way to remove the problem without removing the organ. If the gallstones recur, then take it out, why start with this as the solution? I get why L will do it, but why is there no better way being devised?

So, Thanks

I have to thank so many friends and families for so much support and happiness that anything I writes just lapses into cliché and sap.

So, to everyone who has shared in my joy and supported me through pains and sorrows, thanks.

So, Now?

Now, I am getting back to normal, there just isn't anything else to do. I still find I like to have a series of distractions to keep me from reminiscing. It's a bit harder right now because L still has the physical pain of the D & E to deal with. She is mostly fine, but by the end of each day, she wears out and she gets cramps.

Sports and Abba, that has been the focus for a bit. Things that are fun without being particularly thought-provoking, that's what I like right now. Fortunately the absurdist comedy that is the Browns' season is completely lacking in any sort of tension. Will they win, this week? That's not really a question at this point. Abba has been a favorite for ear candy for a while, but my father took me to "Mamma Mia!" last week, so now I have a bevy of catchy tunes stuck in my head rather than pesky deep thoughts.

It doesn't always work, but it helps.

It is weird, I keep telling myself that I didn't lose anyone, really, I lost the possibility of someone. It's just that telling myself that doesn't really help. I was looking forward with delight to another 18 years of parenting just as much as I had looked forward to the plans we had in place before the pregnancy. Knowing now that we can go back to those plans helps, it helps a little more each day. Whatever happens, I expect L and I to have a wonderful life together.

Will we try again for another baby? Probably not. We have reached the age where we had always planned to exit our baby-having years, and we are still thrilled to look forward to our lives together. Our grief tells us differently, but we had good reasons for making our plans as we did and we see that this is probably not a great time to make huge changes to those plans.

Family, close and extended, has been a huge comfort through this time. I have been blessed in my life to never have to go through any adversity alone. Except, of course, being the only person in the whole world who could possibly understand me from ages 12 - 18. Though, that probably doesn't count.

Moving On

11/09/2009

So, it has been a week.

New Baby stopped developing early in the week 13 (Last week was our 4 month check-up) - one of the quietest weeks we had. We will never know why. Because of the time lapsed, there was no information to be gained after the pregnancy ended last Wednesday.

What we do know: We did everything right. Living with the possibility of miscarriage for so long, we followed every precaution we could. Our quiet motto was to do nothing that we could regret later, nothing that we would look back upon and blame ourselves if the worst happened. We knew the job was dangerous when we took it, and we were careful. There is no extra rest L could have had, no extra step we could have taken, this was simply how it was going to be. That being said, I have never had a smaller comfort. Like Genny told us(while holding back tears),"We were always walking on eggshells here, we just hoped we could get through, somehow."

Pulling the Rug Out from Under Us

I have been accused of burying leads before, so let me make sure I don't here: L is no longer pregnant. Writing about these stresses helps me, as does posting it to "Time for Meds", so I am doing so.

Monday, L woke with just enough cramping and spotting that she decided to stay home rather than go to school. I had taken the day off work rather than have to scramble from Mayfield to home to Parma for the midwife appointment.

And so we slept. The appointment was at 3:30, and we didn't have to be anywhere, so we slept for quite a while and woke up when L became too hungry to stay in bed. J2 had one of his phantom fevers in the morning, so he was home from school, but he loves to sleep through a morning, so he didn't wake up until the eggs and mashed potatoes were ready for breakfast.

We spent the rest of the day reading and relaxing. Mostly, we watched "Psych" on Hulu until it was time to head out.

Around 3, J1 was home to watch his brother, and we were on our way to Genny's office. Everything was great; compared with the prior troubles, the pains from that morning - that had not returned after the extended night's sleep - were nothing. L felt great. L felt relaxed. L felt well-fed. It was a good day.

Genny wasn't ready for us when we checked in, so we did what we always do: We sat in the waiting room, quietly judging the interactions between the other patients and writing a list of updates and questions for Genny like we were writing an essay thats due date had sneaked up on us. Fortunately, Genny's office doesn't move on time, so we can always wrap up our list before we get called in.

We finally got called, and we went in. The assistant weighed L and deposited us in the office where we could wait some more. Blood pressure was good, weight was good, everything was good.


Genny arrived and we chatted with her for a bit - she'd like to see a little more weight gain, but at least there was no drop this month, yes, we want the Quad Check, wait until next week for the ultrasound, don't worry about the cravings, but make sure to get protein, OK, let's hear this baby's heartbeat....

A few posts ago, I told you about how I love baby's heartbeats - they are the most joyful noise I know. In that post I talked about how things that happened quickly seemed to take forever. I was wrong. THIS took forever.

Genny spent minutes - really, minutes - poking L's belly with the Doppler, reapplying gel, lowering the Doppler, going from any angle she could find, eventually pressing so hard I knew it had to be hurting L. Nothing. There simply was no heartbeat.

Genny, obviously shaken, told us we had to move up our ultrasound to ASAP, and that here at 16 weeks she really should be able to hear a heartbeat. She talked to L about other stuff, but I was on the phone to the ultrasound lab. While L got her blood taken for the quad check and I moved our appointment up from Thursday to Tuesday (the next day). Before we got to the car we had an appointment at Parma Community in a shade over an hour.

We grabbed some water for L at a gas station and headed out to the hospital. We figured to tell no one until we had confirmed the miracle of finding the baby hiding behind L's spleen, but I had dinner with my father scheduled. I called him to cancel and he asked how I was - it's always the tough questions that break me down. I told him I wasn't well and that I would have to cancel. He said fine and proceeded to chat. I couldn't do it. I said, "look, I can't talk, the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat and we have to get to the hospital." After a little more talking: don't tell the boys, OK, you can tell my sister.

Now we had to tell everyone - except the boys. My family couldn't know and L's not. Not because of politics, but because it just doesn't feel right, someone in my family can't know without everyone knowing. It's just how it is. Besides, we want all of the good thoughts and prayers we can have walking into this situation.

We got to the hospital and got checked in. Waiting for our number to be called at check-in reminded me of the elevator scene in Blues Brothers sans "The Girl From Ipanema"; disaster was clearly waiting for us, but here was an oddly calm interlude.

We got checked in and followed the red line to radiology. We barely waited when we were taken in to the Ultrasound Room. After some adjustments the tech found the baby. Thankfully, the monitor faced away from L. New Baby Medvick, who, just 6 weeks before in the midst of L's worst bleeding bounced and swam so very actively, was completely still. No heartbeat, no movement.

This had just become the worst day of my life.

Tests

* While I won't write "he/she" or any such, I will alternate the pronoun gender for New Baby with each post.

So, it's been pretty good week for L and New Baby. Spots and cramps have continued to lessen in severity and frequency. Each comes back just enough to remind us, but the daily stress has clearly lessened. Exhaustion remains constant, but as long as L just lets me sleep, everything is ok. Just kidding, L still tires really easily, but as long as a nap gets mixed into the day, her energy level is improving as well. This is, of course a problem because she isn't tired enough in early afternoon to nap and she can end up napping in early evening and then being up later into the night than she likes.

Cravings continue to be a source of great fun. New Baby senses clearly that she can affect not only her mother's life, but her father's. Last week L's smoothie craving hit at 8:58. I called Pulp - the closest smoothie place and found out they were closing in 2 minutes, about 18 minutes short of what I needed. Apparently I sounded desperate because the gentleman offered to stay open until we got there.

The biggest dietary news of a new-found favorite is avocado. L does not like avacado. Now, it is her single surest food. New Baby LOVES them. Avacado slices with diced tomatoes and just a touch of salt served with tortilla chips is New's vision of paradise. I assume she dances when it arrives in the womb.

After weeks of being repulsed - actually physically repulsed - by all things creamy, L has now craved Cheese Danish and Cottage Cheese and Pineapples on successive nights. The other big hit of the week has been Banana and Walnut pancakes. These rock, of course, but L's unbridled love of them is surprising given her aversion to sweets right now.

The big news
Next Monday is our next big check-up with the Midwife, and its big feature is the quad check (
The Quad Check Decision).

Previously, L and I have been foursquare against quad screens and amniocentesis. The information received simply isn't valid enough for our tastes.

What's different now?

Turns out, we're older. We have stuff happening, shortly after New Baby arrives J1 has Senior Prom, Turns 18, and graduates. We want to have as clear a picture as early as possible if we should expect to need extra Doctor visits, extra tests, additional concerns. We want that chance to educate ourselves as much as possible. Of course, we are going to plan for everything we can anyway, but more information will be a good thing here. We are going to worry with or without the test, so we get the Quad Screen.

We do not plan on having Amniocentesis performed unless suggested by the Quad Screen. There is a small increase in miscarriage rate for Amniocentesis and we will not take the risk unless we are given clear indication that something should be clarified.

New Baby's Sex?

So, everyone wants to know New Baby's sex. Excepting the silent, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" the question people are most likely to ask me is some form of "Are you going to find out New Baby's sex?"

The answer is yes. The answer to the follow-up question is "No, you can't know."

I have been through two pregnancies without knowing, and I heartily recommend it, but I wanted to try it the other way for this last pregnancy. Not knowing is great - you focus on the important things and you can discuss extra baby names. It was wonderful to have that mystery to ponder, to hep me decide the things I would teach a child regardless of sex and to help me realize that I will teach the same things in either case. Now that I know that, I want to try pregnancy the other way.

L and I decided that the four people in the household would each get to decide individually if he or she wanted to find out. The promise was that if everyone found out, we might decide to release the information, but if one or more wanted to be surprised, NO ONE outside of the house will know. NO EXCEPTIONS. It was not unanimous and so some in the house will know, some in the house will be surprised. And everyone outside the house will be surprised.

Late Night at the Giant Eagle

So I had another pregnancy-related run to the grocery store at closing time last night. Chef-Boy-R-Dee Ravioli this time (really). That's not the point though. Only customer there after I left, the last customer of the night was in a boy scout uniform. Running out at 11 for supplies hardly seems prepared.

I won one!

So, last night, New Baby was enjoying another round of "torture the mom".

Last night's details: L craved carbonation, but could not deal with the sweet of pop. Thinking quickly, I rushed out to grocery store for some club soda and Italian Syrup. Club soda, they had - after all people mix their alcohol into it. Not quite so forward-thinking on the syrup, however. "Syrup? For coffee? Italian soda?" Clearly, news of world has not quite hit my town yet. So off I went to Starbucks (Not a surprise - I try to solve most of my problems with a trip to Starbucks).

I got there just before they closed and found out that, yes, they will sell me a bottle of Raspberry syrup! So, I zipped home, threw some ice in a glass and handed it to L and let her sweeten her bubbles to just the right sweetness. She added the soda, added the syrup and tasted it. Too sweet. Fortunately, mine was just right. Score one for dad!

School Trip

So, last Wednesday and Thursday, J1 and I took a quick trip down to Athens and Marietta to visit OU and Marietta, respectively.

J1 toured Miami in August and was very impressed, but it was time to get a couple other schools officially viewed before application time really hit (past time, really, but I've been unexpectedly busy). Our OU tour guide seemed pleasant, but somewhat disinterested and not actually particularly knowledgeable about Ohio University. We rambled through the campus, getting a cursory look at "stuff" while our guide competed with leaf vacuums to be heard. In contrast, our Miami tour was led by some bizarre Miami savant who had information available on any question asked. The OU tour featured approximately two thousand fewer "what nots" than Miami's. Miami's tour guide added "what not" to sentences the way other people breathe.
The movies / presentations at Miami and OU can be summed up by "school is GREAT! All other colleges pale in comparison! Look at our Alumni! Look at our students studying abroad! Look how to apply!"

Thursday's trip to Marietta College was completely different. Marietta is a tiny Liberal Arts College sitting in the thriving metropolis of Marietta, OH. After I made a series of missteps getting out of Athens, we arrived 15 minutes late, missing our scheduled tour (even though it is an individual tour, our guide was scheduled for a class). The called our interviewer and had him arrive early. We then had an hour long interview that felt a lot like the OU / Miami presentations, but personalized.

We were then walked to lunch and given free lunch in the main cafeteria.

After lunch, we found our way to an English Professor's (Dr. Bland) office for our scheduled meeting. No luck - she just wasn't there. After a bit, we walked back to the Admissions House for our rescheduled campus tour. Hearing about Dr. Bland's no-show, the very nice people at Admissions assured us they would fix the problem and sent us on our tour. The campus was small, but very nice. Our guide seemed interested and excited to be at school and she had answers to our questions.

Returning to Admissions we were informed Dr. Bland was out with the flu and the head of the English Department would talk with us instead. The downside to this was Dr. Bland is focused on creative writing while Dr. Sullivan is all about the literature. The upside is Dr. Sullivan is head of the department, faculty head of the Anime Club, and had lived in Japan for a while. All perfect for J.

I think Miami is still edging out Marietta, but Marietta definitely opened J's eye to some options.

Food - Hah!

A quick note of thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers. Your words of experience and encouragement have meant a lot to L and I and have helped us. This pregnancy has been the polar opposite of what we have experienced before, so the struggles are magnified because of the change against our expectations.

So, New Baby Medvick has a sense of humor. Unfortunately for L, it appears to be his father's and older brother's sense of humor. In short, he likes to play with L, and he does so with the only tool he seems to have: food.

L can't eat anything she likes. Or, maybe she can, we never know. New Baby likes to make something sound good - maybe even smell good and then get L to taste the food, only to turn her nauseous and unable to stand the taste, smell, or idea of that food.
New Baby has particularly honed in on things L loves; if there is a food that makes L happy, not just a food that she enjoys, but a food that from concept to digestion brings joy to L New Baby has turned it against her. Of course, I am talking chiefly of chocolate.

Chocolate holds a special place in L's heart. Dark, dark, dark chocolate, covered in cocoa powder is her ambrosia. She talks about dark chocolate the way people talk about single malt scotch. New Baby Medvick seems jealous of the attention and has adjusted L's taste buds to his own nefarious ends. Now, she can't touch the stuff and still craves it.

Once, a week or so ago, L craved some chocolate and gave in, dipping apple wedges in freshly melted chocolate - absolutley terrific, all memory of chocolate turning on her were gone. The relationship was reconciled, like a long lost friend who suddenly turns up at your door and you find yourself able to chat like the gap never existed. The next day, L tried the same thing, only to become nauseous and revolted the moment the chocolate touched her tongue. It was as if that same long lost friend turned out to be a serial killer.

I have done what I can: I have grounded New, I have had heartfelt discussions about knowing the lines that you can / can't cross when messing with his mother. All of these efforts have gone for naught. L, in fact, seems to be suffering from some strange Stockholm Syndrome in which she actually takes New Baby's side in several of these discussions. Of course once a kid has found a difference of opinion between his parents, there is no way to win.

Laurie also has completely lost her taste for creaminess / dairy products. Anything that tastes like it features butter or milk is completely unacceptable. Sugar, in anything but fruit, is also right out.

Items that taste good, of course, only taste good as long as there is not a second serving available. New Baby cannot respect roast beef in a size bg enough for 2 sandwiches - "one meal at a time, please, father".

What can L eat? Smoothies and Vegatables, Rice - maybe, and, weirdest of all: ravioli and tortellini.


* I only use "he" because I don't know New Baby's sex, not because I do.

Two Weeks Off and the Well-Meaning World

So, I mentioned before that L was given two weeks of rest. Genny was pretty upfront that there was little to be done about preventing a miscarriage as long as L did not overdo it - and L's new parking placard should prevent that. However, she also wanted to give L some recovery time from the last ER visit, and wanted to be absolutely certain that she was not doing too much.

So nothing, it turns out, is hard to do. She couldn't do housework; anything that required bending or carrying was out. 3 of L's 5 professors felt that being ordered to be home by a medical professional and offering to make-up any classwork was simply not acceptable and told her to withdraw. Her work didn't want her to return after 2 weeks (more below). Really - if she hadn't already been on World of Warcraft, it would have been time for an account.

It turns out that doing nothing helped the nausea go down, but it has done little else. Now, as long as Laurie does not stress herself into apoplexy with worry, no behaviour seems to generate any change in her body. No repeat of the heavy bleeding that sent us to the ER, but no complete stop lasting for more than 2 1/2 days. Cramping / stomach pain comes and goes without warning, headaches come and go. There is, it turns out, nothing we can do.

Before I start ranting, I want to be clear that we appreciate the meaning behind everyone's advice. I complain only about the words, not the intentions.

Since having trouble, people have been treating L like an idiot. She has heard a number of variations of "You have to think of the baby fist - you.r health and the health of the baby is more important than this." The obvious implication is that L didn't realize that, already. Or, even if she did realize it, she was willing to push herself past reason. Of course, the health of the baby comes first! Please, if you have to assure us that New Baby comes first, add, "I know you know this already and I know you are being careful and following the Doctor's orders" to the start of anything you say. If you don't it suggests that you are telling us something we don't know already. Even with a doctor's release L's work didn't want her to return because she had to put the baby first.

Then, there are those who would seem to downplay the risks of our current situation. "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be all right, I'm sure Genny is not really worried, she is just being careful". Let me explain: whether or not New Baby Medvick stayed New Baby Medvick was a flip of a coin. Really. 60/40 we don't have a miscarriage - worse given L's age. A coin flip. When our very experienced midwife says, "I'm really worried about that bleeding," we are left with the impression that Genny is, in fact, worried. We don't like it, we have to accept it, not downplay it, not worry extra, but be conscious of the reality. If you need to deal with this differently, please tell the platitudes to yourself, not L.

Once again, this is not to say that L and I don't appreciate the efforts of people to help. We know that these people mean well - with the possible exception of a couple of professors. We love them all for the efforts. We just want them to feel assured that we are not fools, we are not risk-takers when it comes to pregnancy, and we can not hide our heads about the risks of pregnancy at our ages or about the specific issues New Baby Medvick has had so far.

Heartbeats

We had a midwife appointment yesterday, following a long three weeks since our last appointment.

The start of this stretch came when L had her third trip to the ER since we found out about the pregnancy. The first 2 were for migraines, this one was for bleeding. The intern at the ER (and it was a pregnancy-oriented ER) just had this awful look on his face during the exam. His tone of voice was such that you could tell he thought very bad news was coming. The attending was harder to read without being optimistic: "About 40% of women in your situation will go on to have a miscarriage, while 60% will be fine. Of course stats are worse for your age". But, we did confirm that New Baby was still swimming happily

So the midwife appointment the day after that was not a good one. Genny had a troubled tone in her voice - the first time I had heard that tone since she almost took L in for a c-section with J1. After carefully explaining that no amount of bed rest could prevent a mc at this point, she ordered L to stay home from work and school for 2 weeks. L had been having a miserable time with food and the migraines had not faded completely, so some recovery time was needed for that in addition to the events of the previous evening. The time off really helped reduce her mental stress level - which, it turns out, is the much bigger type of stress. Physical stress - as long as she is not trying to carry too much, or walk to far - is no problem at all.

Throughout this time between appointments, L continued to have sporadic troubles with bleeding. Nothing heavy, she assured me, but not nothing. Being in the first trimester, we have no outside indicator of healthy New Baby. So we were looking forward to yesterday's appointment a bit more than usual.

I will post about the two weeks off and the well-meaning world soon, but, on to yesterday.

So, yesterday, we get to Genny's office and we are once again greeted with worried voice. Genny does assure us that once in a while a patient will spot / bleed throughout pregnancy and have a completely healthy birth and baby. Of course, she also said that with worried voice. Finally, she got out her doppler and went to hear the heartbeat. I say finally only because it seemed to take forever - I am sure the clock put the length at no more than 3 minutes. Babies' heartbeats - at least my babies' heartbeats - are wonderful things; I love hearing them, they are the best part of the standard check-up. So, finally, (again, finally - but it took no time to find it) we heard the heartbeat: 185 beats and going strong. Genny is as relieved as anyone: now she is cautioning that we are not out of the woods in that tone that says we are, at least, leaving the woods.

We are sent on our way with a note preventing L from doing laundry at the hotel with smiles and another appointment in a month.

Pregnancy

Several times now, when I tell someone we are pregnant, I get this look back that says, "Congratulations, sure, I mean, you seem happy, but of course, that would make you completely insane - you are aware that you are 40, right? There was a party and everything."

The thing is, though, I love kids. But it's more than that: I love raising kids and I love raising kids with my wife. We always thought there would be one or two more babies along the way, but we were always so caught up with the first two, that it never seemed like time to have another. Then we were older, and we had simply fell into a mindset of planning for life after kids, and it looked like we were going to be a family of four.

But, L and I never saw parenting as something blocking us from something we wanted to be doing more. We want to be parenting, we love being parts of the family. Anything we do is better because the Js are there with us. Not that we don't value our time alone (see: Pregnancy), but partnering, raising the boys has always felt so right.

This is not to say that we aren't busily changing plans. Those plans were always Plan C (Plan A: Win The Lottery). We are liberal people, we have always been parents by choice, and we are happy to make the choice once more.

Day 7 - Yellowstone!

As I said, with no camp to strike we got a nice start the next morning and we headed toward Yellowstone. To get to the park, we were taking the Beartooth Highway to the Northeast Entrance. As I keep saying: Absolutely Beautiful. The road winds through mountains top to bottom, with beautiful overlooks everywhere.

We hopped out at a couple including one summit where the wind was blowing about as hard as I have ever felt:



There was an old fire lookout that provided amazing views as well, but the thing I remember most about it was the flowers on the road up to the tower:



So, we are miles into the trip, we’ve all been craning our necks along the drive to see the sights, when J1 looks at me and says, “You know, this would be great in a convertible.” So, after lengthy consideration, I decided that he would be allowed back in the car (In all fairness – I really couldn’t have happier – perfect delivery, perfect timing, it brought tears of pride to my eye).

Also, this was the first time my boys had seen Mountains. They’d both been through the Appalachians, so they had technically seen mountains, but out West that word takes on a different meaning; these are Mountains.

I love driving these roads for the little, surprise events: these cascades are just a passing attraction:



Finally, we reached Yellowstone, or at least got really close. We hit Cooke City and stopped. Completely. Construction had lowered the next several miles of road to one lane, and cars were being guided through in groups about every ½ hour. So, we left our car in line and went into a mini mart for some quick supplies. Finally, we received a pilot car and we were on our way. We had to drive nearly across the park to get our chosen campground, but we got there, got the tent set, and headed out to see some sights.

Immediately we were greeted by a fox:



Apparently the auto-focus on my camera hated the fox, because it insisted on focusing on the heather behind it, but you get the idea.

On to Mammoth Hot Springs. At this point it was twilight with full on sunset coming quickly, but we got to see the springs, but thanks to the tripod, I was able to get some nice pictures:









Leaving here we went back to the campground. It was about this point that J1 stopped sleeping in the tent, deciding that the car was a touch warmer and softer.

Day 6 Devils Tower and Little Big Horn

This was probably my favorite campsite - for pure location - on the trip. The tower filled the frame of the tent window. My ankle hurt, but not nearly as much as the previous day. The Js were dragging that morning, so I got up that morning and made some Tasty Breakfast (eggs, potatoes, and onions). We found out the big drawback to the campsite: flies. So we all grabbed breakfast and ate in the car.

After breakfast we headed up to the Tower. So, we know that Devils tower is 1,267 foot of igneous rock, what we don’t know is how it got there. Some think the tower formed underground and the area eroded to expose it. The competing theory is roughly the same, but states that the tower is the remnant of an ancient volcano that eroded from around the tower, leaving the climbers’ paradise.

Devils Tower is yet another reason I love Theodore Roosevelt. Go Antiquities Act of 1906! Seeing that Congress was moving too slowly to declare Devils Tower a National Park, Teddy found a way to use the Antiquities Act to declare the area the first National Monument, protecting it from those who he saw wrecking it.

So, we made a quick tour of the museum and then headed up to the trail that circumnavigates the tower. After about ¼ mile, we left the trail and scrambled up the boulder field at the base of the tower. I can’t recommend this activity enough. Even with the walking stick and a twitchy ankle, the hours spent moving through the debris were absolute fun. The payoff of being AT the tower, able to look out for miles is great, but getting there is an absolute blast.



After getting back to the trail, we decided the prudent choice for my foot was to head back and get on the road. We headed toward Little Big Horn next, trusting to general directions and not the GPS this time. The GPS doesn’t do a good job of accounting for the speed on small roads in eastern Wyoming and Montana. So we made good time and avoided the interstate. As much as I love the mountains, the plains get an undeserved bad rap. They are beautiful as well.

We arrived at Little Big Horn at just before dusk, with a bit of rain in the distance.


Little Big Horn is another of those memorials to such a sad time. Custer made so many mistakes in judging his enemy and the terrain, while Crazy Horse – already with numbers on his side - fought nearly flawlessly. Outmanned, outgunned, and surrounded, Custer and his men shot their horses and used the corpses as an ineffective barrier. Because he was dressed in buckskin, and not an officer’s uniform, Custer’s body avoided the mutilation of the Sioux. The Sioux would mutilate the corpses of officer’s forcing their spirits to walk the Earth.



Since my visit as a youth, more effort is being made to acknowledge the Sioux and Cheyenne at the battlefield, markers are placed where deaths are confirmed and the “Indian Memorial” pictured above is placed near Last Stand Hill.



The National Monument also has a National Cemetery including veterans from the Indian Wars through Vietnam. It was closed for internment in 1978.

After taking a sobering couple hours at hear, we headed west another hour to Billings, MT. As a treat before we hit Yellowstone, and because I wasn’t sure I could make it through the city awake, we spent the night at the “C’Mon Inn” a nice little hotel with 2 pools and 5 hot tubs. Every one got to shower, swim, soak, and we had a good hot breakfast in the morning. A great respite that let us get a much earlier start the next day.

Day 5 (Badlands to Devil's Tower via Rushmore / Custer State Park

When I woke up on Day 5, my foot hurt. From the fall on day 4, my foot just felt terrible. So, we packed up and headed off to Mount Rushmore, stopping along the way for Naproxen and Fuddruckers.

Mount Rushmore was, as always, incredible. We took the loop trail and heard a talk on the construction. The detail and scale just astonish every time I see it. Mt. Rushmore is however, a strictly complementary destination, more than a roadside attraction, but it is absolutely worth the 3 hours out of the way to see it – especially because the Black Hills are worth the trip.

Iron Mountain Road, with its Pigtail Bridges, and tunnels built to frame the statue is an amazing achievement as well, and the drive is about the most fun you can have in a car – missed the convertible there. One of the rangers told me that during Sturgis Iron Mountain Road become littered with drunken idiots who think their bikers. It was said as though recounting a pleasant anecdote, but also with a venom that said that work comes again in 10 days.

We wandered through the Black Hills to the Crazy Horse statue. The sculpture is slowly taking shape, the museum was interesting, but too often, it feels like they should just be carving a giant middle finger facing Mount Rushmore instead. Not that it wouldn't be warranted, and not that the sculpture won't be amazing, and appropriate, it's just the feeling I get.

From Crazy Horse, we drove through Custer State Park. We saw our second Bald Eagle here. A pretty state park full of Antelope and Buffalo, I picked up a walking stick here. A lot of naproxen and patient sons had gotten me through Rushmore, but my ankle HURT.

From Custer we tried to get to Jewel Cave National Monument, but it closed before we got there, so we headed into Wyoming and toward Devil's Tower.

Approaching the tower is amazing, because it just doesn't seem like it should be there. Coming in as we did at night was wonderful because the kids got to see the outline as we came in, but didn't get to fully appreciate it until the next morning.

Day 4

We took in dawn as we drove through the Badlands. We stayed at Sage Creek campground, which is a primitive campground, but just wonderful in so many ways.

We put up the tent and I collapsed for 2 hours.

Badlands in August - beautiful, but HOT! And grasshopper covered. The grasshoppers made each step through the campground adventurous as the grass around you exploded.
After waking up, I made breakfast and then we headed into Wall for showers. We found a little RV park who was willing to sell us some showers.

We wandered through Wall Drug for a few minutes and then went to the Wounded Knee Museum (link). After touring the small museum for about an hour, we left depressed.

We made it back to Badlands as the edge was coming off the day's heat. We wandered took a short hike through some rocky cul-de-sac, until I hurt my ankle. I slipped on some loose dirt and started to fall. I caught my balance completely with my left foot, sending all of my momentum through the bonespur on my left ankle and into the fascia. So, ow.

So, we drove through the park, took a few less primitive walks, saw the gift shop, then made our way back to the campground. On the way, we saw baby mountain goats, tons of prairie dogs (the cutest infestation EVER*) and the buffalo herd is the distance.

I cooked up Brats for dinner, and we went to sleep under the amazing sky.


*I get that the prairie dogs are not an infestation. I get that they were here first and have lost ground, that they are to predators what grass is to deer or Subway is to Jared. They just look like an infestation - and the plague signs don't help.