Tests

* While I won't write "he/she" or any such, I will alternate the pronoun gender for New Baby with each post.

So, it's been pretty good week for L and New Baby. Spots and cramps have continued to lessen in severity and frequency. Each comes back just enough to remind us, but the daily stress has clearly lessened. Exhaustion remains constant, but as long as L just lets me sleep, everything is ok. Just kidding, L still tires really easily, but as long as a nap gets mixed into the day, her energy level is improving as well. This is, of course a problem because she isn't tired enough in early afternoon to nap and she can end up napping in early evening and then being up later into the night than she likes.

Cravings continue to be a source of great fun. New Baby senses clearly that she can affect not only her mother's life, but her father's. Last week L's smoothie craving hit at 8:58. I called Pulp - the closest smoothie place and found out they were closing in 2 minutes, about 18 minutes short of what I needed. Apparently I sounded desperate because the gentleman offered to stay open until we got there.

The biggest dietary news of a new-found favorite is avocado. L does not like avacado. Now, it is her single surest food. New Baby LOVES them. Avacado slices with diced tomatoes and just a touch of salt served with tortilla chips is New's vision of paradise. I assume she dances when it arrives in the womb.

After weeks of being repulsed - actually physically repulsed - by all things creamy, L has now craved Cheese Danish and Cottage Cheese and Pineapples on successive nights. The other big hit of the week has been Banana and Walnut pancakes. These rock, of course, but L's unbridled love of them is surprising given her aversion to sweets right now.

The big news
Next Monday is our next big check-up with the Midwife, and its big feature is the quad check (
The Quad Check Decision).

Previously, L and I have been foursquare against quad screens and amniocentesis. The information received simply isn't valid enough for our tastes.

What's different now?

Turns out, we're older. We have stuff happening, shortly after New Baby arrives J1 has Senior Prom, Turns 18, and graduates. We want to have as clear a picture as early as possible if we should expect to need extra Doctor visits, extra tests, additional concerns. We want that chance to educate ourselves as much as possible. Of course, we are going to plan for everything we can anyway, but more information will be a good thing here. We are going to worry with or without the test, so we get the Quad Screen.

We do not plan on having Amniocentesis performed unless suggested by the Quad Screen. There is a small increase in miscarriage rate for Amniocentesis and we will not take the risk unless we are given clear indication that something should be clarified.

New Baby's Sex?

So, everyone wants to know New Baby's sex. Excepting the silent, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" the question people are most likely to ask me is some form of "Are you going to find out New Baby's sex?"

The answer is yes. The answer to the follow-up question is "No, you can't know."

I have been through two pregnancies without knowing, and I heartily recommend it, but I wanted to try it the other way for this last pregnancy. Not knowing is great - you focus on the important things and you can discuss extra baby names. It was wonderful to have that mystery to ponder, to hep me decide the things I would teach a child regardless of sex and to help me realize that I will teach the same things in either case. Now that I know that, I want to try pregnancy the other way.

L and I decided that the four people in the household would each get to decide individually if he or she wanted to find out. The promise was that if everyone found out, we might decide to release the information, but if one or more wanted to be surprised, NO ONE outside of the house will know. NO EXCEPTIONS. It was not unanimous and so some in the house will know, some in the house will be surprised. And everyone outside the house will be surprised.

Late Night at the Giant Eagle

So I had another pregnancy-related run to the grocery store at closing time last night. Chef-Boy-R-Dee Ravioli this time (really). That's not the point though. Only customer there after I left, the last customer of the night was in a boy scout uniform. Running out at 11 for supplies hardly seems prepared.

I won one!

So, last night, New Baby was enjoying another round of "torture the mom".

Last night's details: L craved carbonation, but could not deal with the sweet of pop. Thinking quickly, I rushed out to grocery store for some club soda and Italian Syrup. Club soda, they had - after all people mix their alcohol into it. Not quite so forward-thinking on the syrup, however. "Syrup? For coffee? Italian soda?" Clearly, news of world has not quite hit my town yet. So off I went to Starbucks (Not a surprise - I try to solve most of my problems with a trip to Starbucks).

I got there just before they closed and found out that, yes, they will sell me a bottle of Raspberry syrup! So, I zipped home, threw some ice in a glass and handed it to L and let her sweeten her bubbles to just the right sweetness. She added the soda, added the syrup and tasted it. Too sweet. Fortunately, mine was just right. Score one for dad!

School Trip

So, last Wednesday and Thursday, J1 and I took a quick trip down to Athens and Marietta to visit OU and Marietta, respectively.

J1 toured Miami in August and was very impressed, but it was time to get a couple other schools officially viewed before application time really hit (past time, really, but I've been unexpectedly busy). Our OU tour guide seemed pleasant, but somewhat disinterested and not actually particularly knowledgeable about Ohio University. We rambled through the campus, getting a cursory look at "stuff" while our guide competed with leaf vacuums to be heard. In contrast, our Miami tour was led by some bizarre Miami savant who had information available on any question asked. The OU tour featured approximately two thousand fewer "what nots" than Miami's. Miami's tour guide added "what not" to sentences the way other people breathe.
The movies / presentations at Miami and OU can be summed up by "school is GREAT! All other colleges pale in comparison! Look at our Alumni! Look at our students studying abroad! Look how to apply!"

Thursday's trip to Marietta College was completely different. Marietta is a tiny Liberal Arts College sitting in the thriving metropolis of Marietta, OH. After I made a series of missteps getting out of Athens, we arrived 15 minutes late, missing our scheduled tour (even though it is an individual tour, our guide was scheduled for a class). The called our interviewer and had him arrive early. We then had an hour long interview that felt a lot like the OU / Miami presentations, but personalized.

We were then walked to lunch and given free lunch in the main cafeteria.

After lunch, we found our way to an English Professor's (Dr. Bland) office for our scheduled meeting. No luck - she just wasn't there. After a bit, we walked back to the Admissions House for our rescheduled campus tour. Hearing about Dr. Bland's no-show, the very nice people at Admissions assured us they would fix the problem and sent us on our tour. The campus was small, but very nice. Our guide seemed interested and excited to be at school and she had answers to our questions.

Returning to Admissions we were informed Dr. Bland was out with the flu and the head of the English Department would talk with us instead. The downside to this was Dr. Bland is focused on creative writing while Dr. Sullivan is all about the literature. The upside is Dr. Sullivan is head of the department, faculty head of the Anime Club, and had lived in Japan for a while. All perfect for J.

I think Miami is still edging out Marietta, but Marietta definitely opened J's eye to some options.

Food - Hah!

A quick note of thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers. Your words of experience and encouragement have meant a lot to L and I and have helped us. This pregnancy has been the polar opposite of what we have experienced before, so the struggles are magnified because of the change against our expectations.

So, New Baby Medvick has a sense of humor. Unfortunately for L, it appears to be his father's and older brother's sense of humor. In short, he likes to play with L, and he does so with the only tool he seems to have: food.

L can't eat anything she likes. Or, maybe she can, we never know. New Baby likes to make something sound good - maybe even smell good and then get L to taste the food, only to turn her nauseous and unable to stand the taste, smell, or idea of that food.
New Baby has particularly honed in on things L loves; if there is a food that makes L happy, not just a food that she enjoys, but a food that from concept to digestion brings joy to L New Baby has turned it against her. Of course, I am talking chiefly of chocolate.

Chocolate holds a special place in L's heart. Dark, dark, dark chocolate, covered in cocoa powder is her ambrosia. She talks about dark chocolate the way people talk about single malt scotch. New Baby Medvick seems jealous of the attention and has adjusted L's taste buds to his own nefarious ends. Now, she can't touch the stuff and still craves it.

Once, a week or so ago, L craved some chocolate and gave in, dipping apple wedges in freshly melted chocolate - absolutley terrific, all memory of chocolate turning on her were gone. The relationship was reconciled, like a long lost friend who suddenly turns up at your door and you find yourself able to chat like the gap never existed. The next day, L tried the same thing, only to become nauseous and revolted the moment the chocolate touched her tongue. It was as if that same long lost friend turned out to be a serial killer.

I have done what I can: I have grounded New, I have had heartfelt discussions about knowing the lines that you can / can't cross when messing with his mother. All of these efforts have gone for naught. L, in fact, seems to be suffering from some strange Stockholm Syndrome in which she actually takes New Baby's side in several of these discussions. Of course once a kid has found a difference of opinion between his parents, there is no way to win.

Laurie also has completely lost her taste for creaminess / dairy products. Anything that tastes like it features butter or milk is completely unacceptable. Sugar, in anything but fruit, is also right out.

Items that taste good, of course, only taste good as long as there is not a second serving available. New Baby cannot respect roast beef in a size bg enough for 2 sandwiches - "one meal at a time, please, father".

What can L eat? Smoothies and Vegatables, Rice - maybe, and, weirdest of all: ravioli and tortellini.


* I only use "he" because I don't know New Baby's sex, not because I do.

Two Weeks Off and the Well-Meaning World

So, I mentioned before that L was given two weeks of rest. Genny was pretty upfront that there was little to be done about preventing a miscarriage as long as L did not overdo it - and L's new parking placard should prevent that. However, she also wanted to give L some recovery time from the last ER visit, and wanted to be absolutely certain that she was not doing too much.

So nothing, it turns out, is hard to do. She couldn't do housework; anything that required bending or carrying was out. 3 of L's 5 professors felt that being ordered to be home by a medical professional and offering to make-up any classwork was simply not acceptable and told her to withdraw. Her work didn't want her to return after 2 weeks (more below). Really - if she hadn't already been on World of Warcraft, it would have been time for an account.

It turns out that doing nothing helped the nausea go down, but it has done little else. Now, as long as Laurie does not stress herself into apoplexy with worry, no behaviour seems to generate any change in her body. No repeat of the heavy bleeding that sent us to the ER, but no complete stop lasting for more than 2 1/2 days. Cramping / stomach pain comes and goes without warning, headaches come and go. There is, it turns out, nothing we can do.

Before I start ranting, I want to be clear that we appreciate the meaning behind everyone's advice. I complain only about the words, not the intentions.

Since having trouble, people have been treating L like an idiot. She has heard a number of variations of "You have to think of the baby fist - you.r health and the health of the baby is more important than this." The obvious implication is that L didn't realize that, already. Or, even if she did realize it, she was willing to push herself past reason. Of course, the health of the baby comes first! Please, if you have to assure us that New Baby comes first, add, "I know you know this already and I know you are being careful and following the Doctor's orders" to the start of anything you say. If you don't it suggests that you are telling us something we don't know already. Even with a doctor's release L's work didn't want her to return because she had to put the baby first.

Then, there are those who would seem to downplay the risks of our current situation. "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be all right, I'm sure Genny is not really worried, she is just being careful". Let me explain: whether or not New Baby Medvick stayed New Baby Medvick was a flip of a coin. Really. 60/40 we don't have a miscarriage - worse given L's age. A coin flip. When our very experienced midwife says, "I'm really worried about that bleeding," we are left with the impression that Genny is, in fact, worried. We don't like it, we have to accept it, not downplay it, not worry extra, but be conscious of the reality. If you need to deal with this differently, please tell the platitudes to yourself, not L.

Once again, this is not to say that L and I don't appreciate the efforts of people to help. We know that these people mean well - with the possible exception of a couple of professors. We love them all for the efforts. We just want them to feel assured that we are not fools, we are not risk-takers when it comes to pregnancy, and we can not hide our heads about the risks of pregnancy at our ages or about the specific issues New Baby Medvick has had so far.

Heartbeats

We had a midwife appointment yesterday, following a long three weeks since our last appointment.

The start of this stretch came when L had her third trip to the ER since we found out about the pregnancy. The first 2 were for migraines, this one was for bleeding. The intern at the ER (and it was a pregnancy-oriented ER) just had this awful look on his face during the exam. His tone of voice was such that you could tell he thought very bad news was coming. The attending was harder to read without being optimistic: "About 40% of women in your situation will go on to have a miscarriage, while 60% will be fine. Of course stats are worse for your age". But, we did confirm that New Baby was still swimming happily

So the midwife appointment the day after that was not a good one. Genny had a troubled tone in her voice - the first time I had heard that tone since she almost took L in for a c-section with J1. After carefully explaining that no amount of bed rest could prevent a mc at this point, she ordered L to stay home from work and school for 2 weeks. L had been having a miserable time with food and the migraines had not faded completely, so some recovery time was needed for that in addition to the events of the previous evening. The time off really helped reduce her mental stress level - which, it turns out, is the much bigger type of stress. Physical stress - as long as she is not trying to carry too much, or walk to far - is no problem at all.

Throughout this time between appointments, L continued to have sporadic troubles with bleeding. Nothing heavy, she assured me, but not nothing. Being in the first trimester, we have no outside indicator of healthy New Baby. So we were looking forward to yesterday's appointment a bit more than usual.

I will post about the two weeks off and the well-meaning world soon, but, on to yesterday.

So, yesterday, we get to Genny's office and we are once again greeted with worried voice. Genny does assure us that once in a while a patient will spot / bleed throughout pregnancy and have a completely healthy birth and baby. Of course, she also said that with worried voice. Finally, she got out her doppler and went to hear the heartbeat. I say finally only because it seemed to take forever - I am sure the clock put the length at no more than 3 minutes. Babies' heartbeats - at least my babies' heartbeats - are wonderful things; I love hearing them, they are the best part of the standard check-up. So, finally, (again, finally - but it took no time to find it) we heard the heartbeat: 185 beats and going strong. Genny is as relieved as anyone: now she is cautioning that we are not out of the woods in that tone that says we are, at least, leaving the woods.

We are sent on our way with a note preventing L from doing laundry at the hotel with smiles and another appointment in a month.

Pregnancy

Several times now, when I tell someone we are pregnant, I get this look back that says, "Congratulations, sure, I mean, you seem happy, but of course, that would make you completely insane - you are aware that you are 40, right? There was a party and everything."

The thing is, though, I love kids. But it's more than that: I love raising kids and I love raising kids with my wife. We always thought there would be one or two more babies along the way, but we were always so caught up with the first two, that it never seemed like time to have another. Then we were older, and we had simply fell into a mindset of planning for life after kids, and it looked like we were going to be a family of four.

But, L and I never saw parenting as something blocking us from something we wanted to be doing more. We want to be parenting, we love being parts of the family. Anything we do is better because the Js are there with us. Not that we don't value our time alone (see: Pregnancy), but partnering, raising the boys has always felt so right.

This is not to say that we aren't busily changing plans. Those plans were always Plan C (Plan A: Win The Lottery). We are liberal people, we have always been parents by choice, and we are happy to make the choice once more.