Two Weeks Off and the Well-Meaning World

So, I mentioned before that L was given two weeks of rest. Genny was pretty upfront that there was little to be done about preventing a miscarriage as long as L did not overdo it - and L's new parking placard should prevent that. However, she also wanted to give L some recovery time from the last ER visit, and wanted to be absolutely certain that she was not doing too much.

So nothing, it turns out, is hard to do. She couldn't do housework; anything that required bending or carrying was out. 3 of L's 5 professors felt that being ordered to be home by a medical professional and offering to make-up any classwork was simply not acceptable and told her to withdraw. Her work didn't want her to return after 2 weeks (more below). Really - if she hadn't already been on World of Warcraft, it would have been time for an account.

It turns out that doing nothing helped the nausea go down, but it has done little else. Now, as long as Laurie does not stress herself into apoplexy with worry, no behaviour seems to generate any change in her body. No repeat of the heavy bleeding that sent us to the ER, but no complete stop lasting for more than 2 1/2 days. Cramping / stomach pain comes and goes without warning, headaches come and go. There is, it turns out, nothing we can do.

Before I start ranting, I want to be clear that we appreciate the meaning behind everyone's advice. I complain only about the words, not the intentions.

Since having trouble, people have been treating L like an idiot. She has heard a number of variations of "You have to think of the baby fist - you.r health and the health of the baby is more important than this." The obvious implication is that L didn't realize that, already. Or, even if she did realize it, she was willing to push herself past reason. Of course, the health of the baby comes first! Please, if you have to assure us that New Baby comes first, add, "I know you know this already and I know you are being careful and following the Doctor's orders" to the start of anything you say. If you don't it suggests that you are telling us something we don't know already. Even with a doctor's release L's work didn't want her to return because she had to put the baby first.

Then, there are those who would seem to downplay the risks of our current situation. "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be all right, I'm sure Genny is not really worried, she is just being careful". Let me explain: whether or not New Baby Medvick stayed New Baby Medvick was a flip of a coin. Really. 60/40 we don't have a miscarriage - worse given L's age. A coin flip. When our very experienced midwife says, "I'm really worried about that bleeding," we are left with the impression that Genny is, in fact, worried. We don't like it, we have to accept it, not downplay it, not worry extra, but be conscious of the reality. If you need to deal with this differently, please tell the platitudes to yourself, not L.

Once again, this is not to say that L and I don't appreciate the efforts of people to help. We know that these people mean well - with the possible exception of a couple of professors. We love them all for the efforts. We just want them to feel assured that we are not fools, we are not risk-takers when it comes to pregnancy, and we can not hide our heads about the risks of pregnancy at our ages or about the specific issues New Baby Medvick has had so far.